well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
