I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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