you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
