so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
