Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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