We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize