i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
