pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
