blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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