I cannot find my penis.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I touched a dick in church today
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
