I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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