he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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