I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
