I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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