Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
