One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
