I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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