dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
