The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
