So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize