worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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