Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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