i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize