How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
