I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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