I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
