You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
