last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
