and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Randomize
