Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
