1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you never un-have a 4some
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
