I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
