i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pants are for mortals
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize