he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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