Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
