god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
