There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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