he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
