I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
