I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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