Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
