his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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