It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
