a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
