Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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