so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
