It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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