I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
