if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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