I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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