Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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