Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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