Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
