I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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