the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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