I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
