if you like me you must not know who I am
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
me + whiskey = a bad person
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize