it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You need Xanax blowdarts
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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