call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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