Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
