Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Holy shit dude........stairs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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