Cold hands, warm shart.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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