True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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