end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
