i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
