Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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