no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
